i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
