I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
