Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
