Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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