Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
