4 words: hood of his car
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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