Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is wine microwaveable?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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