Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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