plz talk dirty to me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
