Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
