I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
