I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
