Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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