I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize