That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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