TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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