i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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