Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
