The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
