yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he thought i was a dude.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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