if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
