we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
