This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I could make wine with my vomit
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
