I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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