Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
