you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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