I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
