Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We need to get me chipped asap
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
