Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
