There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize