She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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