update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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