Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
