she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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