I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
