I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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