i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
