you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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