Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize