You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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