i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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