It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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