I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
