just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
