Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
