i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
