We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
