Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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