Jerry, you need to find god
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
