I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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