i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
