I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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