Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize