It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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