Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
