just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
