i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
