Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
