In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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