Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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