do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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