There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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