Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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