Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize