drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
