It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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