I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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