Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it glows. i had to have it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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