she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
