I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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