omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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