I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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