i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize