i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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