I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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