i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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