420 ftw
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
