my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
