If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize