Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
