when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
