Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
splinters make it hard to masturbate
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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