I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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