just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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