Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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