Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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