Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
