this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Drunk is not a location!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize