She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
